Thank you for writing about this. Perimenopause is so strange and caught me unaware in so many ways! And it seems to be so different for each woman, too.
The strangest thing going through this time where I couldn't stand being touched, including by my husband.
There are several things here that resonated with me. The two things that stood out the most were losing all future focus. That was me for quite a while and it was hard because I love dreaming about possibilities and making them a reality. The second was that you put the question out there and the answer found you in a way you didn't expect. That's a good reminder. I keep trying to see the path forward, but forcing it isn't the way. Allowing it is. :-)
Thanks Jody! I also love dreaming about possibilities and making them reality, which can make being in that directionless space so strange. Thanks for the reflection about putting out the question and receiving an answer I didn’t expect. It’s shown me how important it is to stay open to receiving what we ask for in different ways than we might expect.
Yes, absolutely. I've learned that if you focus too much on the 'how', you may be banging your head against a wall when there is a door open right beside it that you're not seeing. I do forget that sometimes though. So this was a useful reminder. x
Jody, I appreciate your distinction between forcing and allowing. Losing future focus can feel especially disorienting when imagining possibilities has always been part of how you move through life, yet an unanswered question can also preserve room for possibilities the original plan could never have anticipated. Sometimes discernment means staying available to the next credible invitation before the whole path is visible. Your comment fits Jessie’s story beautifully.
Wow, you nailed it. I just turned 38 and, I too, believed that menopause was mostly hot flashes, and the end of my cycle. I am excited to read more of your writing, to learn and to be a part of your community. I'm also a tarot card, palo santo, crystal girl, so I look forward to seeing that unfold and show up in your writing however it chooses to. Thanks so much for sharing! 💕
Vickyyy, there is something valuable about finding language and community before you urgently need either one. Your curiosity at 38 gives you room to gather vocabulary, questions, and other women’s experiences while your own understanding is still taking shape. And the shared world of tarot, palo santo, and crystals probably made Jessie’s space feel familiar almost immediately. I hope you enjoy discovering how all of that unfolds here.
Thanks for sharing your voice, Jessie! It is so important that women going into perimenopause start talking about it. Past generations were told it was all just "normal" and there was nothing that could be done. Lights me up! I resonated with so much of what you shared - so thanks for being here.
Hi Jessie! I knew from before—your old business with marketing. Your story is so inspiring. I just turned 50. I’ve been in perimenopause for a while, but the last 2 years have kicked my ass. I didn’t feel like myself, and I couldn’t find a doctor to take me seriously. I’m so glad women are talking about this change. My mom never did. Neither did my grandma.
Thank you for sharing your story—the good and bad. I’m glad you found a home here.
Hi Kimberly, it’s so nice to see you here! I’m sorry it’s been so hard the past 2 years. Are you feeling any better now? I agree, I do see the conversations growing around peri/menopause and it’s really refreshing that we’re starting to talk about these things!
I can definitely relate to the idea of losing future focus. Although I feel I've tried to focus on improving certain areas of my life, it's felt like the capacity to keep pushing is nowhere to be found, and my baseline keeps coming back to just caring for myself, resting, offering grace. These are all good things, but can feel frustrating when there remain certain things in life that really do need to get better, and I feel I've paused them while I ask the questions of "who am I becoming?" I also really love how people with wide open, beautiful, life focused Substacks offer coaching on growing on Substack and sharing our story, because that tells me you know how to grow something that is similar to what I want to grow which gives me hope.
Hey Nicole! I love how you said that - “the capacity to keep pushing is nowhere to be found.” That’s exactly how I felt for so long. Like all my push just up and left. And I can definitely relate to that feeling frustrating when there are some things that really do need to get better. Oh, thank you so much for offering your reflections on Substack coaching from people who are creating something similar to what you envision. That makes so much sense!
I was so relieved when I learned I wasn’t losing my mind and that other women were experiencing exactly what I was. I had no idea! Thank you for exploring these topics. Looking forward to learning from you.
I am glad you are giving voice to those "caught by surprise" As women, we need to share what we learn about our bodies, our cycles, and the growth that can come through adversity. Well done.
Thank you! I’m so grateful to those who gave voice to this before me. They helped me feel a little less alone when everything seemed like it was falling apart.
Your post resonated in so many ways. I appreciate how authentically you write about your experience. As I am getting started here and finding my voice I find constant inspiration in all the women here telling their stories and so much healing in this. I also find myself lost in determining a paid option and enjoying creating and connecting more than anything. I am letting my path guide me and keeping my intuition open. It’s honestly exciting most days to feel the sense of surrender and others I want to see the path already! I also love your idea of podcasts, that has also been top of mind for me as well. maybe we can collaborate on something 😊
I hear you around the pull between the excitement of surrender and wanting to see the path already! Following the doors that open along the way while taking imperfect action before having everything figured out is such a new way of being in the world for me. Some days I love it and other days it feels really uncomfortable. Yes! I’m definitely moving in the direction of wanting to start doing some collaborations, I’d love to explore that with you.
I loved the honesty in this piece and the parts you laid out about your focus.
Congrats on the coaching plan and I wish you success with that! ✨
There’s so much here I can relate to. My first symptom of perimenopause was uncontrollable anxiety. I now know it was anticipated grief for my aging dog, chronic stress that resulted in tanking hormones.
But when I went to the ER for testing, thought it was a Lyme flair, the male doctors were useless and it was the nurse discharging me that said, this could be menopause. I looked at her extremely dumbfounded thinking in my head, I’m only 42, you’re crazy. But I’ll never forget that nurse because that opened my mind to start learning everything I could about what was happening to my changing body. And she was right.
Besides the biological changes, like you said, I was not prepared for the changes in relationships, how I now recognize I have always been abandoning what I want to keep others happy, how I stopped liking things I used to love, and how I’ve been waiting for all of this to go back to ‘normal’. It’s not. You can’t force it anymore. Something inside you says ‘no more.’
I hope you can help find women to coach. Like you, those years for me would not have been so challenging if I had the right help. It’s very hard for me to even think about it because it was a dark, lonely place.
Kat, thanks so much for your kind wishes and sharing your story. I’m so glad that nurse was there for you that day because who knows how long you would have gone on not knowing what was happening if she hadn’t been! It amazes me that we still live in a world where such a very normal part of a woman’s life journey can be so easily dismissed and overlooked.
Thanks! Yeah, I so far, I've lost 5 subscribers since publishing this post yesterday. As we go through this midlife portal, so many of us, myself included, are done pretending and performing. I want to create a place where we can all practice being fully expressed and where we can let go of old patterns of contorting ourselves to please others. I know that on my own Substack that has to start with me!
Jessie, the part that feels especially useful is how much clarity arrived only after you stopped forcing the publication to declare itself too early. A premature definition can quietly become a contract with a version of the work that existed before enough evidence, reader response, and lived experience had accumulated. Giving Alchemy & Ash room to reveal its shape lets the identity of the publication emerge from what keeps proving alive. I appreciate how openly you are letting discovery become part of the architecture.
Thank you for writing about this. Perimenopause is so strange and caught me unaware in so many ways! And it seems to be so different for each woman, too.
The strangest thing going through this time where I couldn't stand being touched, including by my husband.
Thanks for reading and sharing your experience Linda! I can definitely relate to not wanting be touched for a portion of this time!!
There are several things here that resonated with me. The two things that stood out the most were losing all future focus. That was me for quite a while and it was hard because I love dreaming about possibilities and making them a reality. The second was that you put the question out there and the answer found you in a way you didn't expect. That's a good reminder. I keep trying to see the path forward, but forcing it isn't the way. Allowing it is. :-)
Thanks Jody! I also love dreaming about possibilities and making them reality, which can make being in that directionless space so strange. Thanks for the reflection about putting out the question and receiving an answer I didn’t expect. It’s shown me how important it is to stay open to receiving what we ask for in different ways than we might expect.
Yes, absolutely. I've learned that if you focus too much on the 'how', you may be banging your head against a wall when there is a door open right beside it that you're not seeing. I do forget that sometimes though. So this was a useful reminder. x
I forget that sometimes too! 🫶
Jody, I appreciate your distinction between forcing and allowing. Losing future focus can feel especially disorienting when imagining possibilities has always been part of how you move through life, yet an unanswered question can also preserve room for possibilities the original plan could never have anticipated. Sometimes discernment means staying available to the next credible invitation before the whole path is visible. Your comment fits Jessie’s story beautifully.
That’s a beautiful way to summarise it. Thank you for mirroring it back so thoughtfully.
Wow, you nailed it. I just turned 38 and, I too, believed that menopause was mostly hot flashes, and the end of my cycle. I am excited to read more of your writing, to learn and to be a part of your community. I'm also a tarot card, palo santo, crystal girl, so I look forward to seeing that unfold and show up in your writing however it chooses to. Thanks so much for sharing! 💕
Hey @Vickyyy! I’m so excited our paths crossed here. Thanks for reading. I’m heading over to your publication to check out your work!
Vickyyy, there is something valuable about finding language and community before you urgently need either one. Your curiosity at 38 gives you room to gather vocabulary, questions, and other women’s experiences while your own understanding is still taking shape. And the shared world of tarot, palo santo, and crystals probably made Jessie’s space feel familiar almost immediately. I hope you enjoy discovering how all of that unfolds here.
Thanks for sharing your voice, Jessie! It is so important that women going into perimenopause start talking about it. Past generations were told it was all just "normal" and there was nothing that could be done. Lights me up! I resonated with so much of what you shared - so thanks for being here.
Thanks for reading and being part of the conversation! I’m glad these conversations are becoming more and more the norm.
Hi Jessie! I knew from before—your old business with marketing. Your story is so inspiring. I just turned 50. I’ve been in perimenopause for a while, but the last 2 years have kicked my ass. I didn’t feel like myself, and I couldn’t find a doctor to take me seriously. I’m so glad women are talking about this change. My mom never did. Neither did my grandma.
Thank you for sharing your story—the good and bad. I’m glad you found a home here.
Hi Kimberly, it’s so nice to see you here! I’m sorry it’s been so hard the past 2 years. Are you feeling any better now? I agree, I do see the conversations growing around peri/menopause and it’s really refreshing that we’re starting to talk about these things!
I can definitely relate to the idea of losing future focus. Although I feel I've tried to focus on improving certain areas of my life, it's felt like the capacity to keep pushing is nowhere to be found, and my baseline keeps coming back to just caring for myself, resting, offering grace. These are all good things, but can feel frustrating when there remain certain things in life that really do need to get better, and I feel I've paused them while I ask the questions of "who am I becoming?" I also really love how people with wide open, beautiful, life focused Substacks offer coaching on growing on Substack and sharing our story, because that tells me you know how to grow something that is similar to what I want to grow which gives me hope.
Hey Nicole! I love how you said that - “the capacity to keep pushing is nowhere to be found.” That’s exactly how I felt for so long. Like all my push just up and left. And I can definitely relate to that feeling frustrating when there are some things that really do need to get better. Oh, thank you so much for offering your reflections on Substack coaching from people who are creating something similar to what you envision. That makes so much sense!
I was so relieved when I learned I wasn’t losing my mind and that other women were experiencing exactly what I was. I had no idea! Thank you for exploring these topics. Looking forward to learning from you.
I hear you, me too! I thought something was terribly wrong with me and hearing other women’s stories was so reassuring.
I am glad you are giving voice to those "caught by surprise" As women, we need to share what we learn about our bodies, our cycles, and the growth that can come through adversity. Well done.
Thank you! I’m so grateful to those who gave voice to this before me. They helped me feel a little less alone when everything seemed like it was falling apart.
Your post resonated in so many ways. I appreciate how authentically you write about your experience. As I am getting started here and finding my voice I find constant inspiration in all the women here telling their stories and so much healing in this. I also find myself lost in determining a paid option and enjoying creating and connecting more than anything. I am letting my path guide me and keeping my intuition open. It’s honestly exciting most days to feel the sense of surrender and others I want to see the path already! I also love your idea of podcasts, that has also been top of mind for me as well. maybe we can collaborate on something 😊
I hear you around the pull between the excitement of surrender and wanting to see the path already! Following the doors that open along the way while taking imperfect action before having everything figured out is such a new way of being in the world for me. Some days I love it and other days it feels really uncomfortable. Yes! I’m definitely moving in the direction of wanting to start doing some collaborations, I’d love to explore that with you.
I love this!
Loved this! Love thinking of ourselves as constantly evolving, not something we have to figure out.
Me too, I’m really enjoying practicing living life with this perspective!
I loved the honesty in this piece and the parts you laid out about your focus.
Congrats on the coaching plan and I wish you success with that! ✨
There’s so much here I can relate to. My first symptom of perimenopause was uncontrollable anxiety. I now know it was anticipated grief for my aging dog, chronic stress that resulted in tanking hormones.
But when I went to the ER for testing, thought it was a Lyme flair, the male doctors were useless and it was the nurse discharging me that said, this could be menopause. I looked at her extremely dumbfounded thinking in my head, I’m only 42, you’re crazy. But I’ll never forget that nurse because that opened my mind to start learning everything I could about what was happening to my changing body. And she was right.
Besides the biological changes, like you said, I was not prepared for the changes in relationships, how I now recognize I have always been abandoning what I want to keep others happy, how I stopped liking things I used to love, and how I’ve been waiting for all of this to go back to ‘normal’. It’s not. You can’t force it anymore. Something inside you says ‘no more.’
I hope you can help find women to coach. Like you, those years for me would not have been so challenging if I had the right help. It’s very hard for me to even think about it because it was a dark, lonely place.
Looking forward to what you bring here. 🤍
Kat, thanks so much for your kind wishes and sharing your story. I’m so glad that nurse was there for you that day because who knows how long you would have gone on not knowing what was happening if she hadn’t been! It amazes me that we still live in a world where such a very normal part of a woman’s life journey can be so easily dismissed and overlooked.
How wonderful - and I could not agree more! This is the true alignment of life.
Thanks Lisa!
I so love your authenticity! It comes through beautifully in your writing.💗
Thank you so much AnaLisa, your reflection means a lot!
Losing subscribers on the day you let down all your walls and still calling it a win - wow, that is a reframe worth thinking about.
Thanks! Yeah, I so far, I've lost 5 subscribers since publishing this post yesterday. As we go through this midlife portal, so many of us, myself included, are done pretending and performing. I want to create a place where we can all practice being fully expressed and where we can let go of old patterns of contorting ourselves to please others. I know that on my own Substack that has to start with me!
Jessie, the part that feels especially useful is how much clarity arrived only after you stopped forcing the publication to declare itself too early. A premature definition can quietly become a contract with a version of the work that existed before enough evidence, reader response, and lived experience had accumulated. Giving Alchemy & Ash room to reveal its shape lets the identity of the publication emerge from what keeps proving alive. I appreciate how openly you are letting discovery become part of the architecture.