I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how going through perimenopause is like going through a portal.
First our lives begin to unravel. Identities, dreams, goals, relationships, careers, our body as we knew it, stories we’ve carried for decades …
Then we’re in the darkness, void of who we were, but not sure yet who we’re becoming. We feel around in the dark trying to find our way through, but it’s pitch black and we can’t see anything in front of us.
Eventually, glimmers of light start to shine through. Sparks of inspiration. Ideas whisper and nudge us to listen.
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At first, we don’t know what the glimmers mean or where they’re leading. But we take the next step, choosing to trust in the unfolding.
Sometimes we stumble and even fall backwards into the darkness. Maybe we sit where we fall for a bit and put our hands on the earth, feeling into the thing that got in our way. We notice it’s shape and texture until we’re ready to put it down and start walking again.
One foot in front of the other, eventually we begin to emerge. Into a life that might feel familiar, but new at the same time.
For some of us, things on the outside look pretty much the same. Our marriage, friends, job, kids, house, where we buy our groceries … maybe all of that has stayed the same. But who we’re BEING in that life has changed.
For others, we’ve entered a completely new world. The portal stripped us, not just of who we thought we were, but also of everything we had.
Most of us probably fall somewhere in between.
Wherever we land, we come through with new wings, still wet, folded tight against our backs. They’re beautiful and they also feel awkward to use.
Creative energy starts moving through us, and with it comes the pull to bring our lives into alignment with who we are now. We want to be fully and freely expressed as this version of ourselves, even though we’re still getting to know her.
I keep thinking about how we don’t expect babies to come out of the womb walking. And similarly, it’s not fair to expect ourselves to soar as soon as we emerge from the perimenopause portal. First we need to get to know our new wings and practice using them.
So this stage is full of experiments. Following the little yeses, the little glimmers of inspiration that call to us. We sign up for the pottery class, or open a blank page and write for ten minutes just to see what comes out. Some of it lights us up! Some of it we try once and think, nope, that’s not it. Little by little we learn what this new self loves and where her gifts are.
We’ve shed so many of the stories and beliefs we carried into the portal. But old situations can trigger old patterns. Our mom calls with her usual questions and our boss still assumes we’ll stay late.
We catch ourselves starting to abandon ourselves to keep the peace and sometimes we still get hooked. But the difference is that now we can see it happening.
This is the practice. We’re learning how to be in the world and in our relationships as the woman we are becoming.
So we give ourselves grace. We let ourselves take short flights and land a little wobbly, and we don’t make it mean anything about who we are or whether we’re ready.
Invitation to share …
Where are you in the passage through the perimenopause portal right now?
Are you still feeling around in the dark or are you starting to practice using your wings?
Whether you’re just starting to notice signs of perimenopause, you’re deep in the unraveling or you’re starting to emerge with new wings, The Peri Portal is where we gather in the space between who we were and who we’re becoming to remind each other that we’re not alone.
Our first circle is happening Tuesday, November 10th from 6:30-8:30 pm in my living room in Longmont, Colorado, the day after the new moon. I would love to have you there!
Not local? Send me a message and let me know you’d love a virtual Peri Portal. If enough of us are interested, I’ll create one!
Hey , I’m Jessie May!
At 39, perimenopause turned my life upside down and eventually became an awakening I never saw coming. Now I guide women through the whole arc of this initiation, from sitting in the void of not knowing what’s next, to finding our voices as we emerge into who we’re becoming.
I love creating spaces where we can talk about what this time feels like with people who understand. Thanks for being here, I can’t wait to get to know you!
Jessie, I love your metaphor of learning to use our new wings! Especially the idea that we can't expect ourselves to soar before we've had a chance to practice.
Something I've been discovering through my own Joy Experiments is that we don't always have to become someone entirely new. Sometimes we're rediscovering parts of ourselves we've forgotten, while other times we're surprised by something we never knew we'd love.
I believe there's so much freedom in realizing that an experiment that doesn't light us up isn't a failure. It's another clue about who we are and what matters to us now.
What fascinates me most is that we get to bring all the wisdom we've accumulated along the way into this next chapter. We're not starting from scratch. We're learning how to use everything we've experienced to create a life that fits us better.
Perhaps those new wings are made partly from things we've carried with us all along. 💜
This is such a beautiful way of describing that in-between stage of life. 🤎 I especially love the idea of learning to use our new wings. I’ve been navigating a very different version of life than the one I imagined, and I’m slowly discovering that there’s still so much of myself to find along the way. It’s comforting to know we’re all figuring things out as we go. 💛