Jessie, I love your metaphor of learning to use our new wings! Especially the idea that we can't expect ourselves to soar before we've had a chance to practice.
Something I've been discovering through my own Joy Experiments is that we don't always have to become someone entirely new. Sometimes we're rediscovering parts of ourselves we've forgotten, while other times we're surprised by something we never knew we'd love.
I believe there's so much freedom in realizing that an experiment that doesn't light us up isn't a failure. It's another clue about who we are and what matters to us now.
What fascinates me most is that we get to bring all the wisdom we've accumulated along the way into this next chapter. We're not starting from scratch. We're learning how to use everything we've experienced to create a life that fits us better.
Perhaps those new wings are made partly from things we've carried with us all along. 💜
Cindy! Really great points and I'll have to check out your Joy Experiments, do you write about them? Your comments actually made me think of 2 posts I wrote recently:
Am I Becoming a Whole New Person, or Am I Finally Coming Home to Myself?
This post was inspired by a note I shared a few months ago that went viral. It was so interesting to hear the perspectives around this!
And the other post is called "As the Leaves Fall" - in that post I talked about how everything we've learned along the way becomes the "soil" for who we are becoming
This is such a beautiful way of describing that in-between stage of life. 🤎 I especially love the idea of learning to use our new wings. I’ve been navigating a very different version of life than the one I imagined, and I’m slowly discovering that there’s still so much of myself to find along the way. It’s comforting to know we’re all figuring things out as we go. 💛
Blessings to you as you’re going through the portal and discovering yourself along the way. I imagine that chronic illness can lead to the same kind of portal experience as I talk about in this post. Perimenopause is one thing that can send us through, but there are many other experiences that can by a catalyst too!
I imagine that’s a lot to come to terms with… a lot of surrendering and letting go. Thank you for choosing to do something with your challenge that benefits others!
Thank you, Jessie. There has definitely been a lot of letting go, particularly of the woman I thought I was supposed to be. I never imagined I’d find myself writing about it all, but if sharing the messy bits helps someone else feel a little less alone, then something good has come from it. Still wouldn’t mind fewer plot twists, though!
Thank you, Jessie. I think you’re right. Chronic illness has certainly changed how I see myself and the future I thought I’d have. I’m still finding my feet in this new chapter, but I love the thought that there’s still room to grow and discover parts of ourselves we haven’t met yet. Such a comforting perspective.
Beautiful metaphor, Jessie. I’m through the portal now, and for me, the wings that emerged were made of desire. It surprised me, rearranged everything, and taught me who I was becoming. Wobbly flights and all, I wouldn’t trade them. 💜
Penelope, that's wonderful! I'm glad you're enjoying your "wings of desire" and that even though some flights have been wobbly, you wouldn't trade them! I agree, it hasn't been easy getting here, but I definitely wouldn't want to go back.
Thanks for sharing this article and metaphor. I am a huge dragonfly fan. I’d like to imagine that most days I am soaring high with my new wings. But it’s been bumpy. This is the new me. Some days I still crash and burn, but I’m trusting the process.
"New wings, still wet, folded tight against our backs" is going to stay with me. It admits the awkward part, which most writing about this stage skips. I liked the bit about mom calling or the boss assuming you'll stay late, and the difference being that now you can see it happening. That's a real change even when the marriage, job and house look the same from outside. One thing I'd add for women still in the dark stretch: a lot of us don't connect anxiety or low mood with perimenopause while our periods are still fairly regular, so it's worth naming it to a doctor as possibly hormonal. Hands on the earth and that appointment can both happen. Good luck with the first Peri Portal circle in Longmont.
This feels so tied in to what we were discussing about my piece, at least for me. Perimenopause has been such a time to uncouple career from identity. It’s a second adolescence in that way. A time of figuring it all out. Or perhaps unlearning and letting be. Thanks for sharing!
Yes, I agree! It’s a topic that’s been so alive for me these past few years. Uncoupling career from identity is a good way to put it. The two were so enmeshed for me for many years!
I love the idea of this being an experimental stage. I’ve been thrashing around for the past year burning down the shit that I don’t like or want anymore- like a really ferocious caterpillar in a chrysalis. Enjoyed reading this!
I love your metaphor. I feel I'm coming through the other side, maybe peeking out of the portal. I'm definitely one of the women who were stripped bare by peri-menopause hitting. It's been a rough journey sometimes, but I like who I'm becoming and the life I'm building ✨️
I’m right there with you @Tracy Sutcliffe, “stripped bare” is a good way to put it. So glad to hear that you like who you’re becoming and the life you’re building!
I am definitely in the unraveling, and up until recently it has been a slow and nearly unobservable process that only I am really feeling and my family has had time to adjust. But now, in the middle of a Big Life Thing, I am tired, so blasted exhausted, and I feel like I'm allowing the unraveling to happen faster, because I'm too tired to cling to the past, or maybe its just happening faster and I don't have the capacity be as kind about it as I might have otherwise. It's probably both. It's scary to not be interested in tending relationships in the ways I once preferred - the ways that sustained the relationships- wondering if they can be sustained by something else and are able to change and grow with me... Or not, and what that might look like. To choose to trust the process is not always easy💜
It's definitely not always easy, Rachel. Thanks for sharing what's unfolding for you. The capacity question is one I've been thinking about recently and I agree with you, it's probably both. But I've started wondering if we're really losing our capacity or if we're actually becoming less willing/able to override and abandon ourselves? 🤔
Well, that's probably also true💜 I'm often amazed at how many things are true at once. I would say for me, I'm experiencing it as less able to override and abandon myself, as it doesn't seem to be something I'm choosing... There's no decision involved, so I wouldn't say less willing? Sometimes I wish I could do these things still, it would be so much easier, lol. But likely that is what is underneath it all, being willing to choose current me as my things change, sometimes unexpectedly or in unexpected ways. I chose what was good for me then, and now i have to let that go even though it was also for me.
I hear you on the “less willing” part. And I resonate with how you described it. For a while it was like a switch flipped for me and I just couldn’t. It didn’t feel like a choice. From where I am now, I feel like it is more of a choice than it used to be. Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective. I love that we can have these conversations and learn about the similarities and differences in our experiences.
What happens after we unravel? As women, we eventually pick ourselves up and rebuild ourselves and our lives. You are a great example of what that can look like. Thank you for provide a space for us to learn about this phase of our lives, share our individual journeys, and grow together.
Jessie, I love your metaphor of learning to use our new wings! Especially the idea that we can't expect ourselves to soar before we've had a chance to practice.
Something I've been discovering through my own Joy Experiments is that we don't always have to become someone entirely new. Sometimes we're rediscovering parts of ourselves we've forgotten, while other times we're surprised by something we never knew we'd love.
I believe there's so much freedom in realizing that an experiment that doesn't light us up isn't a failure. It's another clue about who we are and what matters to us now.
What fascinates me most is that we get to bring all the wisdom we've accumulated along the way into this next chapter. We're not starting from scratch. We're learning how to use everything we've experienced to create a life that fits us better.
Perhaps those new wings are made partly from things we've carried with us all along. 💜
Cindy! Really great points and I'll have to check out your Joy Experiments, do you write about them? Your comments actually made me think of 2 posts I wrote recently:
Am I Becoming a Whole New Person, or Am I Finally Coming Home to Myself?
https://www.alchemyandash.com/p/am-i-becoming-a-whole-new-person
This post was inspired by a note I shared a few months ago that went viral. It was so interesting to hear the perspectives around this!
And the other post is called "As the Leaves Fall" - in that post I talked about how everything we've learned along the way becomes the "soil" for who we are becoming
https://www.alchemyandash.com/p/as-the-leaves-fall
As I was reading your comment I felt like we were speaking the same language, so I wanted to share! Thanks for stopping by!
This is such a beautiful way of describing that in-between stage of life. 🤎 I especially love the idea of learning to use our new wings. I’ve been navigating a very different version of life than the one I imagined, and I’m slowly discovering that there’s still so much of myself to find along the way. It’s comforting to know we’re all figuring things out as we go. 💛
Blessings to you as you’re going through the portal and discovering yourself along the way. I imagine that chronic illness can lead to the same kind of portal experience as I talk about in this post. Perimenopause is one thing that can send us through, but there are many other experiences that can by a catalyst too!
I imagine that’s a lot to come to terms with… a lot of surrendering and letting go. Thank you for choosing to do something with your challenge that benefits others!
Thank you, Jessie. There has definitely been a lot of letting go, particularly of the woman I thought I was supposed to be. I never imagined I’d find myself writing about it all, but if sharing the messy bits helps someone else feel a little less alone, then something good has come from it. Still wouldn’t mind fewer plot twists, though!
🫶
Thank you, Jessie. I think you’re right. Chronic illness has certainly changed how I see myself and the future I thought I’d have. I’m still finding my feet in this new chapter, but I love the thought that there’s still room to grow and discover parts of ourselves we haven’t met yet. Such a comforting perspective.
Beautiful metaphor, Jessie. I’m through the portal now, and for me, the wings that emerged were made of desire. It surprised me, rearranged everything, and taught me who I was becoming. Wobbly flights and all, I wouldn’t trade them. 💜
Penelope, that's wonderful! I'm glad you're enjoying your "wings of desire" and that even though some flights have been wobbly, you wouldn't trade them! I agree, it hasn't been easy getting here, but I definitely wouldn't want to go back.
Thanks for sharing this article and metaphor. I am a huge dragonfly fan. I’d like to imagine that most days I am soaring high with my new wings. But it’s been bumpy. This is the new me. Some days I still crash and burn, but I’m trusting the process.
Sounds like you can relate! I love knowing you’re a dragonfly fan too!
"New wings, still wet, folded tight against our backs" is going to stay with me. It admits the awkward part, which most writing about this stage skips. I liked the bit about mom calling or the boss assuming you'll stay late, and the difference being that now you can see it happening. That's a real change even when the marriage, job and house look the same from outside. One thing I'd add for women still in the dark stretch: a lot of us don't connect anxiety or low mood with perimenopause while our periods are still fairly regular, so it's worth naming it to a doctor as possibly hormonal. Hands on the earth and that appointment can both happen. Good luck with the first Peri Portal circle in Longmont.
Thank you! And thanks for pointing out the often missed connection between anxiety and perimenopause!
What an incredible read! Thank you for sharing. It brings so many of us -still in the portal- hope! ♥️
I’m so glad! I didn’t have a lot of hope back then, so if I can bring others some hope from where I’m at now, that means a lot to me!
It can be a lifeline for those of us still in it ❤️ so thank you
This feels so tied in to what we were discussing about my piece, at least for me. Perimenopause has been such a time to uncouple career from identity. It’s a second adolescence in that way. A time of figuring it all out. Or perhaps unlearning and letting be. Thanks for sharing!
Yes, I agree! It’s a topic that’s been so alive for me these past few years. Uncoupling career from identity is a good way to put it. The two were so enmeshed for me for many years!
Thank you for writing this! I’ve been thinking a lot about peri lately 🙏
Thanks for reading! I’m so curious what’s been on your mind about perimenopause?
The slow and long symptoms that creep up! (And there are many)!
Ah yes, there are many and they can definitely creep up!
I love the idea of this being an experimental stage. I’ve been thrashing around for the past year burning down the shit that I don’t like or want anymore- like a really ferocious caterpillar in a chrysalis. Enjoyed reading this!
Haha! “Like a really ferocious caterpillar” - that image is the best, I can see it now!
Hahaha yes! You can relate!!!
I love your metaphor. I feel I'm coming through the other side, maybe peeking out of the portal. I'm definitely one of the women who were stripped bare by peri-menopause hitting. It's been a rough journey sometimes, but I like who I'm becoming and the life I'm building ✨️
I’m right there with you @Tracy Sutcliffe, “stripped bare” is a good way to put it. So glad to hear that you like who you’re becoming and the life you’re building!
I am definitely in the unraveling, and up until recently it has been a slow and nearly unobservable process that only I am really feeling and my family has had time to adjust. But now, in the middle of a Big Life Thing, I am tired, so blasted exhausted, and I feel like I'm allowing the unraveling to happen faster, because I'm too tired to cling to the past, or maybe its just happening faster and I don't have the capacity be as kind about it as I might have otherwise. It's probably both. It's scary to not be interested in tending relationships in the ways I once preferred - the ways that sustained the relationships- wondering if they can be sustained by something else and are able to change and grow with me... Or not, and what that might look like. To choose to trust the process is not always easy💜
It's definitely not always easy, Rachel. Thanks for sharing what's unfolding for you. The capacity question is one I've been thinking about recently and I agree with you, it's probably both. But I've started wondering if we're really losing our capacity or if we're actually becoming less willing/able to override and abandon ourselves? 🤔
Well, that's probably also true💜 I'm often amazed at how many things are true at once. I would say for me, I'm experiencing it as less able to override and abandon myself, as it doesn't seem to be something I'm choosing... There's no decision involved, so I wouldn't say less willing? Sometimes I wish I could do these things still, it would be so much easier, lol. But likely that is what is underneath it all, being willing to choose current me as my things change, sometimes unexpectedly or in unexpected ways. I chose what was good for me then, and now i have to let that go even though it was also for me.
I hear you on the “less willing” part. And I resonate with how you described it. For a while it was like a switch flipped for me and I just couldn’t. It didn’t feel like a choice. From where I am now, I feel like it is more of a choice than it used to be. Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective. I love that we can have these conversations and learn about the similarities and differences in our experiences.
What happens after we unravel? As women, we eventually pick ourselves up and rebuild ourselves and our lives. You are a great example of what that can look like. Thank you for provide a space for us to learn about this phase of our lives, share our individual journeys, and grow together.
Thank you Dr. Dorothea, and so are you ... you're such an inspiring example of what that can look like ✨. Thank you for being here!